Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Thank You, But No, Thank You

Yesterday morning I had a 9:30 AM appointment at The Saban Free Clinic to give blood for cholesterol screening.  I wasn't seen until 10:30 AM.  During the hour-long wait, I read interesting articles in L.A. Weekly.  And I listened to a crying baby.  And an old woman who appeared homeless.  And a host of other sounds I would rather not have had to listen to.  But, truth be told:  I HAD to listen to them because I have f*cked up!  And because I AM f*cked up!  Of sorts!  What I mean is, I am an intelligent, well-educated, well-versed person who should NOT have to go to a free clinic for medical check-ups, treatments, etc.  However, I DO have to go because I can't afford anything else at the moment.  And I can't afford anything else at the moment because I have f*cked up my life!  Okay, I'm bein' a lil' dramatic, but I MUST take responsibility for NOT having hustled in a SMART way to keep money in my pockets and bank account(s).  -- When I walked out of the clinic yesterday, I said to God, "I'm tired of being poor.  Out-and-out TIRED!"  And the buck CAN and WILL stop HERE!  NOW!  I haven't read Rich Dad, Poor Dad yet, but I think I'm gonna borrow it from the library later today. -- I spoke on the phone earlier to Madeline and my heart broke that I couldn't offer her and the boys a place to stay during their visit to L.A. next week.  It broke because I can't afford to put them up in a hotel either.  I mean, I am 46 yrs old and bright and resourceful and kind and a host of other things that should put me in a position to take EXCELLENT care of them during their visit.  And during their ENTIRE lives!!!  It's obvious that doing for myself isn't enough motivation for me to be a phenomenal provider like my incredible father.  So, I'm gonna have to STEP UP so that I can provide for OTHERS!  I have my work cut out for me later today.  So, let it be written.  So, let it be done!  CHANGE is a-comin'!!!!  POSITIVE CHANGE!  LUCRATIVE CHANGE!  WELCOMED CHANGE!

No comments:

Post a Comment