Saturday, December 22, 2012

I'm Still Here

Forty-nine years ago today I was born in Indianapolis, Indiana to a light-skinned, freckle-faced woman named, Juanita, and a strapping, dark-skinned man named, Charles.  Today, both of those beloved people are somewhere in Heaven; hopefully looking down and wishing me a blessed birthday.

Honestly, when I say my new age out loud, I can't believe I'm talking about me.  Not lil' skinny, bookworm, Beany, who was called "sissy" so much by neighborhood & school kids (and sometimes my own siblings) that I almost thought it was my other nickname.  No, that kid couldn't possibly be a stairstep away from fifty.  Humph!  But he is.  But I am.

In these forty-nine years I have repeatedly put myself in harm's way.  I have too often used my tongue to make others feel less than because I wanted them to feel like I felt.  I have said one thing and done another.  I have said one thing and done nothing.  Yes, I have loved and been loved in return.  And I have loved and not been loved in return.  I have won.  I have lost.  And sometimes I have done both and not recognized either.

Looking back over my life, I fully accept responsibility for all I've become.  And all that I haven't.  I acknowledge that I've allowed fear to stop me dead in my tracks on more occasions than I care to remember.  That tricky, four-letter word has single-handedly kept me catering when I should be writing and hosting and acting and loving and living my highest life.  No more.  No more living less than the man I was born to be.  No more.  No more allowing fear to be anything more to me than a word.  It CANNOT continue to be a LIFE SENTENCE.  So, right here and right now, I declare a moratorium on PROCRASTINATION, HUMILIATION, ISOLATION and DEPRIVATION.  'Cause I've been depriving myself of the professional fulfillment my talents can provide.  And depriving the world of my creativity.  No more.

I am forty-nine years old today.  And although my life isn't what I thought it'd be at this point; nor what I know it can be; I STILL believe I can turn things around.  I STILL believe that it isn't too late to be who I could/should be.  And I STILL believe all these things because I AM STILL HERE.  And it's BY THE GRACE OF GOD!

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