Honestly, when I say my new age out loud, I can't believe I'm talking about me. Not lil' skinny, bookworm, Beany, who was called "sissy" so much by neighborhood & school kids (and sometimes my own siblings) that I almost thought it was my other nickname. No, that kid couldn't possibly be a stairstep away from fifty. Humph! But he is. But I am.
In these forty-nine years I have repeatedly put myself in harm's way. I have too often used my tongue to make others feel less than because I wanted them to feel like I felt. I have said one thing and done another. I have said one thing and done nothing. Yes, I have loved and been loved in return. And I have loved and not been loved in return. I have won. I have lost. And sometimes I have done both and not recognized either.
Looking back over my life, I fully accept responsibility for all I've become. And all that I haven't. I acknowledge that I've allowed fear to stop me dead in my tracks on more occasions than I care to remember. That tricky, four-letter word has single-handedly kept me catering when I should be writing and hosting and acting and loving and living my highest life. No more. No more living less than the man I was born to be. No more. No more allowing fear to be anything more to me than a word. It CANNOT continue to be a LIFE SENTENCE. So, right here and right now, I declare a moratorium on PROCRASTINATION, HUMILIATION, ISOLATION and DEPRIVATION. 'Cause I've been depriving myself of the professional fulfillment my talents can provide. And depriving the world of my creativity. No more.
I am forty-nine years old today. And although my life isn't what I thought it'd be at this point; nor what I know it can be; I STILL believe I can turn things around. I STILL believe that it isn't too late to be who I could/should be. And I STILL believe all these things because I AM STILL HERE. And it's BY THE GRACE OF GOD!