Saturday, July 23, 2011

Mental Health

Two nights ago I met up with one of my dear friends from college.  He was here in L.A. on business.  Anyway, we met up at 10 PM or so in North Hollywood.  After he parked, we walked up to Big Wangs, a sports bar.  He looked great as usual.  I always enjoyed him during college.  He still maintains the same, kind spirit he had back then.  Once inside the restaurant/bar, the first order of business was ordering drinks.  He ordered a beer and I ordered a margarita on the rocks with three olives!  Haaa!  Nobody understands why I order olives with every drink, but the truth is, 'cause I like 'em.  No other reason!  --- Well, my friend and I began with the exchange of the usual pleasantries, until I asked him if his life truly was as great as he said he it was.  I asked if in fifteen yrs of marriage, had he ever felt like ending it.  Oh, boy, that wound up being the million dollar question.  Within the next hour or so, I learned that he had discovered that his lovely wife had cheated on him during a business trip.  And that she had met up with the guy on another occasion as well.  Needless to say, my friend was devastated.  And the whole ordeal turned him into a man he isn't.  Obsessed.  Sneaky.  Maybe even a bit paranoid.  His psyche was so unstable he lost 30 lbs while getting to the bottom of this thing.  I sat and listened to him explain, detail by detail, how he learned more & more about her indiscretion(s).  He seemed to possess a strong desire to speak to the man in person.  I'm not sure why, though.  Whenever there is adultery, I always wonder why the wronged is so obsessed with confronting the other party.  In my humble opinion, all anger and disappointment rests upon the shoulders of your partner.  Luckily, he never met up with the man face-to-face.  He seems to be less focused these days on continuing to pursue contact with him.  And I'm happy about that.  What I'm not happy about is that this affair has changed the man he was.  It has compelled him to do things he wouldn't ordinarily do.  The real test of time will determine if he can ever regain his trust in his wife.  I hope he can.  I hope he can for the marriage's sake.  And for his family's sake.  But mostly for the sake of his own, mental health.  He won't feel completely back to being himself until he can forgive her and let this go.  What he simply can't do is fret and worry about her whereabouts everytime she's out of his sight.  'Cause the wise man knows, paranoia will destroy ya.  Every, single time. 

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