It's All In My Head

When the bills keep stackin' up and the auditioners keep passin' me up and it seems the world-at-large keeps tryin' to f' me up, you know what I'll keep on doin'??????

And you know WHY I'll keep on doin' what I'm doin'?  'Cause...

Livin' THEIR Lives!

I just recently came across two things that stopped me in my tracks.  One--a quote.  And two--a photo.  Both speak to the same truth.  Live YOUR life the way YOU want.  Period.  Allow me to share both, please.

"They want us to wait for THEIR permission.  But before THEY grant it, THEY want to know that THEY own you; that THEY have control.  BYPASS THEM and make your OWN rules!  Your OWN way!  Write your OWN story! Paint your OWN picture!  Draw your OWN map!  Sing your OWN song! Climb your OWN mountain!  Run your OWN race!  Raise your OWN child!  Live YOUR OWN life.!" - Chán André

More Of Me

Today I went to a church service around the corner from my apt.  This was my first time there.  I met a dude a couple weeks ago who invited me to join him at the church one Sunday.  Well, today was that Sunday!  Anyway, the young pastor, Touré Roberts, preached a message that resonated with me.  And the vocalists certainly ministered to me thru song.  The overall message was that we want more of God, but I heard God talking to me, telling me he wanted more of me.  And more FROM me.  Pastor Roberts preached that the old me is dead.  And that thinking and acting like the old me---the dead me---must change.  His message affirmed that I am already the incredible man I sometimes think I want to become.  I am that man already.  This very moment.  In order for me to live a new and more rewarding life requires that I let the old me---the dead me---go.  And, starting right here and now, I shall.  I have.  God wants more of me.  And more FROM me.  And He deserves it.  And so do I.

Night Walker

Tonight I was incredibly happy to have a gig.  The bus arrived dang near fifteen minutes late, so I was a little concerned at first.  However, once I boarded the sucka, all was well.  Prior to goin' to the gig, I e-mailed one of my coworkers and inquired about gettin' a lift from him after the gig wrapped.  As I had suspected, he said he wasn't able to accomodate me.  So...I walked home.  According to Mapquest, the walk was almost four miles.  To many, walking home would NEVER have happened.  Luckily for me, I'm not like many.  And, honestly, I would have accepted a ride from him had he given me one.  And I would've happily driven if I had a car.  But since neither was to be, I am incredibly, wholly appreciative of the fact God and His Universe have given me the strength, legs and feet to make tonight's walk and all other walks.  Yes, walking alone in the dark of the night can be a dreary experience if one chooses it to be.  But I didn't choose it to be such.  Instead, I chose to meet new people and truly appreciate new things I encountered on my journey.  To the naked eye I'm sure I appeared to be walking alone.  But this ol' boy knows I wasn't alone.  God was there.  Always has been.  And always will be.  And for that, I am soooo thankful.  Walk on, CAM Jr!!  Walk on!

More Than A Floor

Earlier this week I began my first day of work for a new catering company.  Actually, it's the catering arm of a very popular restaurant in Beverly Hills known as much for it's in-floor aquarium as it is its ridiculously delicious, garlic noodles.  And I'm here to tell you, the noodles are truly delicious!!!  My first day was cool.  My second is this Saturday.  I'm very thankful to have the gig.  Enough said.

Want Not, Debt Not

I made two phone calls within the past 24 hrs to people I owe.  Kind and loving people I owe.  People who have been more than generous to me.  I called them to arrange repayment.  My word is all I have as money is not in abundance.  Both parties were as gracious as they've always been.  Both want me to do what I'm capable of doing in this life so that I never have to concern myself about owing anyone ever again.  I don't know what I've done in my life to be blessed enough to have them in my life.  But I'm thankful.  And I'm determined to repay them.  Period.

You Can, But You Can't

Yes, it's true.  You can run, but you can't hide.  Running away from confrontations--big or small--may provide momentary relief; but the key word is MOMENTARY!!!  I have always detested confrontation.  Always.  The people in my life who are keen on arguing and the such are always people I avoid.  However, when my own actions warrant my "running," I have to take stock of what I've done and correct matters.  Thus, I'm in that place in my life this very moment.  I'll get it  together.  No doubt.  But the "in the meantime" isn't pleasant.  -- My younger sister, during her college days, hated feeling poor.  Okay, hated BEING poor.  And she told herself she'd never live that way again.  And, she hasn't.  I've GOTTA adopt that same mentality.  My mother used to say, "Being poor isn't a disgrace.  It's just a damn inconvenience."  And boy oh boy was she right!  This ol' boy is TIRED of being inconvenienced.  Time to ACT.  Can't GET anything if I don't DO anything!  Feel me??????

Kiddies

I'm sittin' in the library right now, and right in front of me are a group of school kids.  They're probably seven or eight years old--the approximate age of the kids I volunteer with on Sundays.  Anyway, they're so damn cute.  And I love the way they think they're whispering, but are doin' it soooo friggin' loudly!  Lol!  I find that children are really a big part of my life.  And that's interesting 'cause I don't have kids of my own.  Guess you could say that the "daddy" in me comes out and rears it's paternal head quite often!!  And that's a good thing!   

Can't Stop Believin'...

Life sure has a way of lettin' us know who's boss!  It's almost the end of August and I still haven't yet grasped the brass, professional ring!  But...this ol' dude STILL believes in MIRACLES!  Thus, success according to me is a-comin'!!!!!!!!!  I just KNOW it!!!

You Are Loved

Last night, I attended a birthday get-together for a friend in his loft.  While there, I harkened back to meeting him back in 1999 on New Year's Eve in NYC.  I guess technically I met him in 1999 as it turned into 2000.  Shortly after meeting him, I moved to L.A. where he lived and we've become friends since then.  Looking at all the people in attendance at his shindig, I could clearly see that he's loved.  And boy oh boy what a feeling being loved is.  I've only once had a birthday soiree in my honor.  All planned by an ex.  And I enjoyed it.  I really did.  What I know for sure is that NOBODY and I mean NOBODY wants to live on this planet alone.  EVERYBODY needs to FEEL love.  EVERYBODY.  And I intend to love as MANY and as OFTEN as I can.  And I'm NOT talkin' romantic love.  I'm talkin' ALL-ENCOMPASSING love.  What a sense of POWER you feel when you know FOR A BONA FIDE FACT that YOU ARE LOVED.

I'm THIS and I'm THAT and I'm HERE!

It's been a minute since I've posted anything and the reason is this:  internet access at my abode has ceased 'til I PAY the bill.  Plain and simple.  So, I'm sittin' here in the public library with all the other verrrrrry interesting human specimen who find themselves without home, internet access.  Honestly, just lookin' around this place reminds me of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.  I expect Jack Nicholson to come jumpin' out at me at any moment.  Already this morning a 30-somethin'-yr-old chick and a 60-somethin'-yr-old fella got into it over their dogs.  Apparently he doesn't like hers and she doesn't like his.  Whatever!  As long as they don't start shootin' up the joint, I'm good. -- Last night I had quite a heart-to-heart with a friend about my current professional and financial doldrums.  I'll prevail.  Eventually.  And when I do, I won't see this side of, lacking, again.  No sirree, Bob! -- What I know for sure is that I'm STRONG.  I'm INTELLIGENT.  I'm TALENTED.  I'm KIND.  And I'm HERE!

The BEST Week EVER!!!!!!!!

Okay, so the first week of August 2010 is almost out the door!  I'll be makin' a couple dollars this Saturday, but not nearly enough to make me feel like a RICH man!  Never fear, though, 'cause I DO believe in MIRACLES and I DO believe in ME!  So, 2nd week of August, what you got for me??????  'Cause I know what I got for Y-O-U!!!!!  Yeah, it's gonna be the BEST WEEK EVER!!!!!!!!

It Is What It Motherblankin' Is!!!

Sometimes you just gotta face the facts!!!!!!!!!  Haaa!

Love 'Em To Pieces!

Earlier today, one of my older sisters and I were talkin' about one of our nieces.  She's only six years younger than I am, so I've always considered her to be one of my sisters!  Anyway, when she was really young, I used to love teasin' her!  And I mean, LOVED it!!!  As we matured (especially ME!), I clearly realized that she was truly a phenomenal, young lady.  Free-spirited.  Intelligent.  Loving.  Just the life of the party!  When I moved to NYC, I loved her visits!  Looked forward to 'em, actually!  I dragged her all over the city!  Took her to every friggin' dance club I could think of!  "Alternative" clubs, some might say.  Well, she never asked one, single thing about those clubs and my love of 'em.  Turns out what she was doin', instead, was goin' through my journals when I wasn't around, searchin' for "dirt!"  Haa!  She never found any 'cause I was wily enough to hide it!!!  -- Fast-forward to today and she's a WIFE and MOTHER and STILL a PHENOMENAL niece!!!  -- I have SIX nieces now and the first two are STILL my most favorite!  But you didn't hear that from me!!!! 

The ONLY Way To CHANGE A Life??

LIGHTS...CAMERA...

What's Stronger Than Pride?

My desire to live my BEST life!!!!!!!!!!!  PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!

Do Over

Sometimes I wish my life was the equilavent of a COMBOVER!  Meaning:  Knowing what I know, I want to go back to 20 yrs old and start over!!!!  Yeah, I want a DO OVER!!!  If I could do that, by the time I get to be my current age, I'd be too hot for frickin' words!!! 

I'm Still Standing

Going into the weekend, I wasn't sure how a bill or two would be paid.  And, coming out of the weekend, not much has changed.  Well, my ATTITUDE has!  And that makes ALL the difference!  I WILL PREVAIL!!  I WILL!!!  Yeah, a whole bunch of unnecessary roughness has been tossed my way.  But, let the record state, I'M STILL STANDING!!!!