Her Very Words

When my life isn't going precisely as I'd like, I know I can ALWAYS put a smile on my face by reminiscing about Mama's "famous" quotes (even if I don't fully understand 'em!):

A drunk man tells you his sober thoughts.
Meaning: Whatever a drunk person tells you, he MEANS it!

A bird in the hand beats two in the bush.
Meaning: If the chubby chick wants you and two, skinny chicks only sorta like you, go with the chubby chick before you wound up with NONE!

A raggedy ride beats a dressed-up walk.
Meaning: It's better to drive a beat-up, old car everywhere you go than to wear a three-piece suit and have to WALK!

If you're mad, scratch your ass and get glad.
Meaning:  Nobody really gives a damn that you're mad!

If you find a dummy, bump his head.
Meaning: If you encounter a foolish person, treat him foolishly.

Romance without finance is a nuisance.
Meaning:  Dating someone who has no money will get on your damn nerves!

Looks like dammit, I'll bite you.
Meaning: A person, place or thing has a wretched appearance!

Being poor ain't a disgrace.  It's just a damn inconvenience.
Meaning: Self-explanatory!

God helps the rich 'cause the poor can beg.
Meaning: Self-explanatory (but oh, so politicially INCORRECT!)