I Said What I Said

Since I was 18 years blessed, I've been keeping a journal, chronicling the ups and downs and all arounds of my life.

Lately, I've been re-reading some of those journals.

I have filled FOURTEEN notebooks with the trials and tribulations of a young CAM Jr. They span from 18-31 years old.

By my 32nd birthday, I had stopped writing in notebooks and began typing my journal entries onto a computer, storing them onto a diskette. Unfortunately, that diskette was compromised, and I lost all my entries from 32-44 years old or so.

I began this blog in 2009 to pick up where I left off.

In many ways, re-reading these journals is a hoot!

And it's also sobering.

Some might even say, "sorta sad."

I spent a LOTTTTTTTTTTTT of time fretting over no romance.

And even MORE TIME lamenting my lack of meaningful work in showbiz.

Um...I'm 55 years blessed now, and I can't say that much has changed on the romance and showbiz fronts. The only difference is: I don't complain about either any longer.

I just LIVE.

I find myself reading about people I can't recall, so I Google them to see if that will jog my memory. And in some cases, when their image pops across the screen, it certainly has.

I've even read an obituary of one of the guys I looked up. Anthony was a co-worker at Macy*s. He was 21 or so at that time. Everybody loved him. Especially the gay guys. His super friendly personality, and incredible body made him the cat's meow. I remember laughin' it up with the kid while hitting dance club after dance club in Manhattan. He was always good for great energy!

His obituary doesn't reveal his cause of death, but like most nosy curious folks, I sure would like to know it. Well, whatever his cause of death, may his soul rest in eternal peace.

One of my nieces used to visit me quite a bit while I lived in NYC, and she'd go through my journals when I was at work. She was searching to see if I talked openly about my sexuality. Well, because I just KNEW folks like HER might one day stumble across my journals, I talked in code. Haaaaa!

So, SPECULATION was all she got outta her snooping. Never CONFIRMATION! Haaaaa!

It's re-reading my college years that intrigues me most. Wow! Those four years were somethin'!

The FRATERNITY!

The STUDYING!

The SEXUAL ANXIETY!

It was all soooooo dang IMPORTANT to me back then!!!

And truth be told, if it wasn't for these journals, I wouldn't remember HALF of what I wrote about!

Actually, MORE than half!

I'm happy I wrote down my thoughts back then, 'cause re-reading about 'em now is bringing a huuuuuuuuuuuge SMILE to my face.

Okay, a few CRINGES too, but I'll take 'em!!!!!!